Trying to sound professional but failing and sounding like an ass

In my job I leave a lot of messages for real estate agents and it is more and more common for me to hear this greeting:

“Hello, this is Agent-I-suck-at-my-job, I am unable to answer the phone at this time, please leave a message and I will get back to you at my earliest convenience.”

Your earliest convenience? Seriously? Do you realize what that means exactly? It means that your clients and peers hear that you’ll deal with their issue when you feel like getting around to it, not ASAP as you think it sounds.

I’m putting this post under ‘Overrated’ because so many people thinks this phrase sounds slick, but really they sound like idiots.

10 thoughts on “Trying to sound professional but failing and sounding like an ass”

  1. We should use Agent I-suck-at-my-job when we need to sell our house.

    Voice mail should die. This is the year 2008. I can’t believe we still use answering machines.

    One of my many mottoes is “I never listen to two things: advice and voicemail,” but I can’t bring myself to change my phone message to that.

  2. People who say that should be grouped with the people who sign email or say “Thanks much” instead of “Thanks” or “Thank you” or “Thank you very much.” I want to reply “You ass” instead of “You are too lazy to sincerely thank me for what I did and that makes you and ass.” Voice mail should die and if you just left me a voicemail saying you’re sending me and email you should die too.

  3. I must say I absolutely adore all forms of voicemail, but I DESPISE text messaging. I love the thrill of voicemail! ” What should I say?!” or “How do I record this message without sounding TOO gay or TOO retarded or like a DUMB straight person???!!” I like when people like my friend Brooks calls me and leaves me phony messages on my voicemail about collecting money for the ‘Dick Fund’…ending the message with ‘Go With God!”….or when people like Kent call and just call me a nasty derogatory gay name and hang up!
    Leslie, you’re just dealing with unimaginative schmucks who are wrapped up in their poop of a life. Let it be a lesson to you to always be creative, innovative, and insane when it comes to YOUR voicemail message! GO WITH GOD!!!!!

  4. Ah yes, a phrase in the same category as “I could care less”. You could care less? So you care how much more than your lowest point of caring? A little? A lot? Do you mean you “couldn’t care less”?

    That and people who abuse apostrophes. I even see TV ADVERTS now with random apostrophes. FFS I WILL NEVER BUY ANYTHING FROM YOUR CRAPPY COMPANY IF YOU CAN’T EVEN USE PUNCTUATION CORRECTLY!

  5. Greg, I hope you’re not knocking my use of apostrophes! That’s how I talk…very thrilled and excited at all times. THRILLED do you hear!!! THRILLED.

  7. I have saved everyone of Paul’s voice mails. I love them!!!!! Yes, Paul is very creative.

  8. Oh dear….I must have lapsed into my straight brain for a minute there. Thank you Kent for being at my side with your grace and charming ways to correct my blunder. Go with God…all!!!!!!

  9. I have shit ton of these:

    I could care less
    I’m just talking out loud
    Too Funny
    Too Cute
    LOL

    My list of things I like

    When people use my name when addressing me. Especially in written form,
    example: “I miss Omaha so much, Brent.”

    People who have an automatic “thank you” at the bottom of all emails.

    Calling hot dogs “weiners”

    Calling mistakes “boners”

    The enigmatic nature of a semicolon.

  10. I should make a new category along the lines of “Dave’s Top Tens” called “Leslie’s Modern Annoyances.”

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