Category: General

The weak link in the vaunted elbuzzard tennis tandem, Kent  was placed Tuesday on the inactive list after X-rays revealed a “separation of the sacrum or tail bone.” He will spend the next couple of weeks sitting in an innertube filled with ice.
The often-injured former running back suffered the fracture after falling down the back stairs, only a week after his wife Leslie had managed to pull the same stunt. Leslie is at 80%.
Kent, nicknamed the “Glass Bus,” after breaking his ribs playing flag football, has denied rumors of retirement. He turned 30 in September.
“I’ve shattered my ass plenty of times,” said tennis chum Paul. “It hurts, but you’ve got to keep pounding away. He’ll be back.”

So I spent the Thanksgiving Holidays with my girlfriend Chelsey’s parents in Kearney, NE. The span of 4 days quickly became a blur, as the first evening dissolved into a drunken mess, starring her father and me. It included about 25 beers, 6 shots of Wild Turkey, and a pool table. Highlights included his drinking to “You winning a game of pool,” during our third round of shots, and my shooting back “What did I tell you about talking shit to me?” The musical accompaniment was supplied by AC/DC, Sammy Haggar, and Kid Rock. I got so drunk.

The next morning I was informed that I had passed the test of being able to hang in with Mr. Greg Erpelding. This came as a tremendous relief, as there was no way I was going to be able to suffer another audition. Mr. Erpelding, by the way was chipper as could be the next day, hopping out of bed at 8am, to start smoking the Thanksgiving Day turkey. Did I mention he also had 3 shots of Rum? The man is made of steel, leather, and turpentine. My hangover was colossal. I crawled through Thursday, while the rest of the family took pity on me.

The following days were anti-climatic compared to the night of debauchery. Chelsey and I met a ton of relatives and friends, and we made it to that Archway that Jack Nicholson goes to in “About Schmidt.” It was so lame, except that it had some of those weird video action/physical displays that are fast becoming my favorites in the newer museums. (Chicago has a nice one in their submarine section of the Museum of Science and Industry.)

Now I am sick of writing. I will end with two things taught me by Chelsey’s parents:

1) If you wrap up cookies with a piece of bread it keeps them moist.
2) A cool nickname for Old Milwaukee beer is “The Old Mill.”

Apparently, scientists have found the gene that controls fear, and in mice have managed to reduce innate and learned fear. The story is here. The article tells of how this “could be used to study human phobias and anxiety-related disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder”.

Am I cynical to think that actually, the first use of this will be to make soliders more effective killing machines?

I have an exam on Tuesday. A Microsoft software architecture exam. I took the previous version of this in 2001, and didn’t have any problems, I have to take the updated one now to maintain a certification.

I booked it about 4 weeks ago, and have been putting off studying since then, thinking I’d do it closer to the exam. Now it’s a few days away, and I woke up this morning with a stinking head cold. Uh oh. There goes the study this weekend as planned.

Procrastination is a killer, folks.

The secret to improving focus, reducing stress and bending spoons with your mind is Dahn Yoga, also known as Brain Respiration. After only 2 1/2 classes, I can bend a spoon with my own hands. I also can count to 10 in Korean. Soon, I will be Yogi Bear.

I’m going roller skating tonight for Chelsey’s birthday. Will I fall? Will I get in a fight? What about those tough dudes that hang out at roller rinks? Will they “hassle” me? It’s adult skate, so at least I don’t have to deal with 13 year olds who smoke. I have not skated since I was in high school, and I was never any good. Chelsey can skate backwards. Good for her.

I forgot to pubically announce the addtion of Greg to the list of El Buzzard Enterprises’ authors. Greg brings us that international joie de vivre and je ne sais quoi that…. Wait. He’s English. He brings the bangers and mash.

Brent, aka Mr. Unstoppable, has also just been added as an author today, but he hasn’t posted an article yet. He has proved with his witty comments that he has more to say and better ways to say it than me, Dave, and Leslie combined. He probably doesn’t even know yet, though.

The house is clean. You can all come visit now.

Not the girl, silly. Something else. What is it?

From Optical Illusions, Etc..

You may have noticed recently that you have had to click submit twice to get comments to post from time to time. I believe that bug is fixed now. Please let me know if its still happening, or if something else weird happens when you try and comment.

Feel free to comment on this post to test it out for me. Thanks.