We regret to inform you that you cannot purchase a house within the city limits, due to the following regrettable factors:
- You want to live inside the Perimeter.
- You don’t want to pay more than you can afford.
- You want to be able to get to public transportation.
- You want to take advantage of government-funded first-time homebuyer’s downpayment assistance.
- You don’t want to get shot.
- You want the house to be in liveable condition.
Please remedy one of more of these requirements, and we will most certainly reconsider your future with us.
In the meantime, we suggest you try Cobb or Gwinnett counties. We hear that Applebee’s is a great place to hang out on the weekends, and that racism is still in style there.
Yours truly, and go fuck yourself,
The City of Atlanta