elbuzzard.com – Page 16

Trying to sound professional but failing and sounding like an ass

In my job I leave a lot of messages for real estate agents and it is more and more common for me to hear this greeting:

“Hello, this is Agent-I-suck-at-my-job, I am unable to answer the phone at this time, please leave a message and I will get back to you at my earliest convenience.”

Your earliest convenience? Seriously? Do you realize what that means exactly? It means that your clients and peers hear that you’ll deal with their issue when you feel like getting around to it, not ASAP as you think it sounds.

I’m putting this post under ‘Overrated’ because so many people thinks this phrase sounds slick, but really they sound like idiots.

Shockey!

Jeremy Shockey! is a Saint. It hurts, but this should be a huge help for the Saints on offense. Marques Colston will improve with another legitmate passing option for Brees, and the running game will also benefit. I hope.

$Hi, My name is Jeremy Shockey! and I\'m a fucking moron.$

Or he could be a complete turd. Check that. I’m sure he will be a turd. I just hope he’s not a cancer.

I do promise that I will throw up a little when I see the fleur de lis over that hideous ‘MERIKA ROOLZ tattoo.

When it rains, it pours

So yesterday afternoon our hot water heater leaked and overflowed through the ceiling into the kitchen.

No hot water, on top of no AC, on top of a broken leg.

Ain’t life grand?

Me Links I Protest Too Much

I just checked the links for elbuzzard. I don’t have one. I don’t know why I would, but I am still jealous.

Here are some options:

my name is on this page

my myspace

or here is our Goodwill newsletter from when I was Employee of the Month (holla!)

or this article about my experiences with a sex offender

please pick one.

Here’s the evidence

$I\'m so sick of posting x-rays of my insides on this site.$

There’s the break at the bottom of the smaller leg bone. It could have been a lot worse.

I broke my leg.

My timing is impeccable.

UPDATE: Here’s some pictures Leslie took with my cell phone in the Emergency Room. I’ll put them after the break, so that the squeamish don’t have to see if they don’t want to. Continue reading I broke my leg.

Closed

We are now homeowners. We did the closing today. It took around 4 hours…

I can’t believe the shelling out of imaginary money is over. Now the shelling out of real money begins.

It feels good though. It’s going to feel better when we have water and an AC that works.

Chloe Had a Baby, Ya’ll!!

Just wanted all you buzzards to know that Chloe and Cowboy are now the proud parents of little ol’ Daniel Cane Brevelle! Booya! He’s quite a character, and they’re doing just fine and dandy. Send them big kisses through the air on Oprah Angel wings!

Congrats to Catherine and Marc

Regular elbuzzard reader Catherine got married over the weekend to a real nice guy named Marc (yes, with a C).

The reception was a blast. The ham was delicious, and Leslie was thrilled that there was antipasto with olives and such, claiming that “Catherine knows what you need to throw a wedding.”

We forgot to ask if they were going on a homeymoon.

I hope you two are very happy for the rest of your lives.

NFL Alumni?

So apparently the car that parks on our new street has a bumper sticker that reads “NFL Alumni.” Leslie and Beth noticed it last night.

Who could it be? I really hope it’s Joey Harrington.

How awkward would that be if I was mowing the lawn in my Harrington Lions jersey he walked out? Since he’s not exactly an “alumni” just yet, I think it’s a pretty slim possibility.

It’s probably some bum ex-Falcons player from the 1980s.