Laugh Riot

Calvert Cliffs Nuclear Power Plant
Lusby, Maryland
10:00 A.M. EDT

THE PRESIDENT: I appreciate the Secretary of Energy joining me today. He’s a good man, he knows a lot about the subject, you’ll be pleased to hear. I was teasing him — he taught at MIT, and — do you have a PhD?

SECRETARY BODMAN: Yes.

THE PRESIDENT: Yes, a PhD. (Laughter.) Now I want you to pay careful attention to this — he’s the PhD, and I’m the C student, but notice who is the advisor and who is the President. (Laughter and applause.)

President Discusses Energy Policy, Economic Security

What an asshole.

If anyone wants to do something nice for me

I think these sandals are just about the coolest thing in the whole wide world.

I promise to use them only for good, never for evil. Ok, maybe I will use them sometimes for mischeif, but mischief is not like hitch-hiking on Satan’s highway or surfing in the devil’s ocean. It’s more like shooting out the streetlamp of blind faith with a holy BB gun.

OUY SEVOL SUSEJ

Shoes of the Fisherman

ps I wear a size 9-10.

The greatest Saint to never have been a Saint

ESPN.com – NFL – Quick out: Hakim spurns Chiefs, likely joining Saints
Demonstrating once again that the long green typically trumps long relationships in the NFL, veteran free-agent wide receiver Az-Zahir Hakim on Friday afternoon backed out of a contract agreement with the Kansas City Chiefs, a deal that would have reunited him with head coach Dick Vermeil.

It is believed that Hakim, who had recently visited with New Orleans officials, will now sign with the Saints.

I’m not the biggest Az-Zahir fan, but we do need a wide receiver and a return man.

And so it begins…

Yesterday I researched the local staffing (temp) agencies in the area. Not surprisingly there were agencies that looked as if they couldn’t staff a PhD and others than looked as if they would be a good match. I sent in my application and resume (the application had questions such as, how long did you work a pallet jack (2 years!) and if you were ever a receptionist, how many phone lines did you work?). This morning I got a call back and have to go in tomorrow to fill out paperwork and complete their test on computer skills. Despite the fact that I’m very proficient in computers, I’m still worried. I’m not that fabulous at making graphs and anything requiring numbers floors me.

Wish me luck. I can’t wait to begin making money again. And the nicest part of a temp agency is that I get paid weekly. Yay.

You see Dave? Randy agrees with me…

St. Paul Pioneer Press | 06/10/2005 | Moss rates Collins over Culpepper

Randy Moss says his new quarterback with the Oakland Raiders, Kerry Collins, is better overall than his former quarterback, Daunte Culpepper of the Vikings.

Moss, traded by the Vikings to the Raiders this spring, said so during an ESPN “SportsCenter” interview.

“When it comes to athleticism, Daunte has Kerry beat by a large margin,” the controversial wide receiver said. “But Kerry has pocket presence and knows how to read defenses. So Kerry has a slight step over Daunte.”

This will be a monster year for good old Vodka Collins. Randy says.

Trivia goes down, climbs up, goes down again

Our three-man team at trivia last night started strong, then bombed in the second round, where we only scored 20 points out of 40 or so. We were the penultimate team after the first round, and moved up a spot in the second. We did, however, pull out the final question: “Which letter does not appear in any of the elements’ names or symbols on the periodic table?” Our correct answer took us 4 points away from third place. Not good enough, but we felt good getting the final question right for once.

In other news, I really need a camera phone. All sorts of good pictures to take on my walk to work this morning. The house on the corner is taking down a huge tree in their yard. I’m not sure if it fell down and they had to cut it, or they just decideded to chop it down. My bet is that it got hit in the big lightning storm we had on Sunday.

Also, the new gorillaz album rocks.

COME TOGETHER

They took down the gay.com billboard at 5th Street at Juniper this week. It was a beautiful picture of two extremely buff men with open shirts, arm in arm in front of an American flag. The caption read:

COME TOGETHER: gay.com

Before the “Come Together” billboard, 5th Street was graced by another gay.com ad that featured two muscle-bound shirtless football players with perfect hair and oiled chests. In perfect timing for football season, this one was up from the time we moved here, November, till about March. Its caption read:

PLAY HARD: gay.com

They replaced it with some bullshit ClearChannel “Look at these new homes in the low $800s!!” ad. This is a great loss for Midtown and Atlanta.

Back from Boston

I got back last night from a conference in my old home of Boston yesterday. I had hoped to make continuous updates to the site from my hotel, since at $145 a night I expected free high-speed internet access. No dice. I supposed I could have charged the 33 cents a minute to the fine people of Georgia along with everything else, but my conscience got the better of me and I toughed it out with no internet. It was horrific.

Here’s some highlights of my trip:

  1. A lady on the plane told me about the weather, and how bad it has been. She said, “It’s been raining so long that it has really taken a toll on people’s moods.” I commented that the general mood of New Englanders is pretty lousy to begin with. She took slight offense until she found out I had lived in Salem and Medford and told me I was allowed to tell the truth about New England since I had lived there. However, it began a little North-South battle. She then pointed out the kid sitting a row ahead of us and said, “That kid must be from the South, he’s in his barefeet.” Which in fact he was, having taken off his flip flops. I countered with “I bet he’s from New England since he’s got his feet up on the seat in front of him. He’s got New England manners.” When he turned around we both saw the Red Sox cap. I was the victor.
  2. Tedi Bruschi is doing great, I stopped by his house on the way to the hotel from the airport to see how he was doing and to drop off a peach cobbler that Warrick Dunn gave me to give to him. That Warrick is a great cook, and all around nice guy. Tedi says he will play next season and will continue to be my favorite Patriot.
  3. I went out to Harvard Square to meet JS, a friend from library school. We stopped by the Harvard Bookstore where David Sedaris was doing a book reading. It reminded me that despite its terrible weather, crabby people, and expensive rent, Boston is a pretty cool place to live. They broadcast the book reading on speakers to the street, and quite a crowd showed up when Sedaris started talking about “cocksuckers,” “fucky-fucks”, and lesbian pornography. Funny, when he was reading a fable about a baboon and a cat, no one that was walking by stopped to listen.
  4. Every male from the ages of 15-35 in Boston wears a Red Sox cap. I saw no less that 7 life-size cardboard stand-ups of Johnny Damon around town.

Relationship Over

After a brief email interaction, I sent the love of my life (discussed in ‘On My Way to Cybersex) my picture, which, evidently, has ended our relationship. This abrupt conclusion to my two-day affair has left me heartbroken and convinced that looks do matter. Hopeless in New Orleans, sex out of the questions, man boobs too big … life fading away … bald