On the way to cybersex

This my first attempt at Internet dating. Here’s who I chose. What do you think?

Do you love needy, emotional cripples who suffer perpetual mood swings? Do you like girls who demand constant attention and assurance from you and when you give it, push you away and complain that you are smothering them; then, when you leave them alone for ten minutes, they scream that you don’t love them anymore and are cheating on them with someone else as they raid your cell phone for the whore of Babylon’s phone number or plunge their heads madly into your laundry basket in search of another woman’s perfume? Perhaps you would like a girl with advanced degrees from pretentious universities who probably couldn’t function in a job at a taco stand for very long because she finds all jobs painfully boring and a waste of her time. Probably the girl of your dreams views offices as microcosms of the world; that is, insane asylums with bars and no escape. Death or insanity are your true love’s only options as she operates the copy machine and wonders why doing this 8 hours a day is considered healthy and normal. The best part is every day when she comes home and tells you how much she hates her job. You love this. In fact, you live for it. The monotonous, epic tirade about how she is a slave to money and bills and derives no satisfaction whatsoever from a single minute of her repetitive, mundane existence is the highlight of your day. Most days, it is all she can do to keep from plunging a letter-opener into her chest as she date-stamps the mail over and over and over again. The very thought of this makes you want to take her in your arms, tell her everything will be fine, kiss the tears off her beefy, apoplectic face, and throw her down on the floor and have wild sex. The best part is how calm and stabilized she becomes after sex. Your power over this girl’s emotions is like crack.

What I am looking for: a somewhat bookish, intellectual and/or artistic, sensitive, patient fellow between the ages of 33 and 40 who likes to nurture little wounded forest animals back to health; a guy who can manage to walk the fine line of rescuer (without being too stifling) and slightly sadistic tormentor who won’t put up with shenanigans or nonsense of any kind (yes, the ‘daddy’ issues you have at your disposal are infinite). No jealous types or controlling freakshows please. You are very calm and self-assured. No major self-esteem issues to speak of.

What you’re looking for. A tall, thin, eccentric, often reserved, sometimes not (remember, mood swings), creative, impulsive, sometimes socially inept individual who isn’t very mentally stable. You love temper tantrums intermingled with sobbing spells, followed by a few weeks of catatonia. You view the catatonia as a vacation. You can catch up on reading, pursue your own interests, or just rest up for the next raging storm. You are probably an enabler who views his girlfriend as a very complicated and challenging project. It’s all good.

Please include a pic or I am afraid I won’t be responding. This is not so much to judge your looks. I am not that shallow (well, ok, maybe a little).

Atlanta Jazz Festival

Yesterday afternoon I took a walk up to Piedmont Park to see what the Atlanta Jazz Festival was like. It was actually quite nice. Piedmont Park is a great set-up for music festivals, with a wide flat green for the stage, surrounded by hills with barbeque pits.

The upper area was full of tents and families barbequeing; walking through them reminded me of the neutral ground on St. Charles during Mardi Gras. It smelled delicious. The lower area was filled with umbrellas and lawn chairs. I was there early, so it wasn’t quite full yet, but there were still a good bit of people there. A couple of park security guards were walking around telling people that they couldn’t stick their umbrellas directly in the ground. But instead of making them take them down, they had the festival-goers cover up the base of the shafts with bags or coolers so you couldn’t see the umbrella was stuck in the ground. I was a little taken aback by the reasonable behavior. I guess I’m just not used to that.

The only band I saw was the Peachtree Ridge High School Jazz Band from Smyrna, Georgia. They were cute, and rocked the Blood, Sweat & Tears and Dave Brubeck. It reminded me of my high school days in the Brother Martin Jazz Band. They were pretty nervous at first, but by their last song, they actually sounded really good. They finished their set list early, and played their opening number again at the end of their set. It was a huge improvement over the first time they played it. They had earned the festival opening spot by winning 3rd place in a Youth Jazz Band competition. Not bad for a school that has only been open for two years. The band leader reminded me of the band leader we had at Brother Martin: young, formerly hip, not yet completely jaded.

I’d like to go back and see the Tito Puente, Jr Orchestra tonight at 8:30, but its raining now, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to get anyone interested in going.

One for the Bills fans

Oh, Henry: Adams says Titans want ex-Vol – Thursday, 05/26/05
“We’re interested in Henry,” Adams said yesterday from the NFL Meetings in Washington, D.C. “He wants to get out of Buffalo. We think he has a lot of ability. We think he has four good years left. Because of where he went to college I think he’d be real popular with the fans. I think he’d be a real good addition.”

The Titans and Bills first began discussing a trade involving the former University of Tennessee star during last month’s NFL Draft, and the two sides continued dialogue on the subject into last week.

The Bills haven’t moved away from their demand for a third-round pick in next year’s draft in exchange for Henry. So far the Titans haven’t been willing to go that high. They offered a fifth-round pick for Henry on draft day.

Does Tennessee want to start Henry though? I thought they were going with Chris Brown. I always thought that Henry’s attitude problem stemmed from the fact that he wanted to be a starter.

He’d have the same problem in Tennessee, it seems.

Just because you are walking…

“Just because you are walking doesn’t mean you have the right to hold up fucking traffic!” – shouted at me as I crossed 5th Street at Spring Street, with the crosswalk signal indicating walk.

“Actually, sir, I am crossing protected by the lights, so yes it does. I’m not going to run across the crosswalk so that you can make your right turn on red quicker.” – what I should have said.

“Up yours!” accompanied by the finger – what I actually said.

DG would have been disappointed that I let slip an opportunity to yell “Suck my shit!”

SAINTS STAYING, still suck

A week after having his lawyer tell San Antonio media that he was pursuing other options, Tom Benson said Tuesday that he is not planning to move the Saints.
“My plan right now is to stay in New Orleans and let my grand-daughter take the club over,” he said.
Benson also said he didn’t even want to consider other and possibly more lucrative offers from other cities.
“We’ve got a contract through 2010,” he said. “They’re the ones talking about breaking the contract. At no time did I say that we were going to leave or break a contract and I’m not going to say that now.”
Gov. Kathleen Blanco has been attempting to get Benson to renegotiate a deal giving the team $186 million over 10 years, saying the state cannot afford it. The contract was negotiated by then-Gov. Mike Foster and approved by the Legislature.
Benson recently canceled additional negotiations until after the 2005 season when the Saints have their first opportunity to negate the current deal and move by repaying the $81 million the team received during the first five years of the contract. The state can opt out of the deal after the 2007 season.
Here’s an idea: Agree to use some of the money to refurbish the Dome, then repay the Saints with the extra cash generated from the nicer and more fan-friendly stadium.

This makes me feel better

ESPN.com – NFL – West Coast offense: Saints owner keeps options open

This is a Len Pasquarelli column that recaps Benson’s meeting on Tueday with the NFL owners. He seems pretty sure that the Saints aren’t moving.

He does also mention the ticket sales figures that Dave has been concerned with:

Saints fans, among the league’s most loyal and long-suffering, have purchased only 26,000 season tickets for 2005. More significant, there is a sense of ennui surrounding the ongoing battle between the team and Gov. Kathleen Blanco, who inherited a bum deal that was negotiated by her predecessor.

There is, for sure, a danger here: During all the bad seasons, and all of the incompetent performances of the past, Saints fans have mostly remained passionate about their team. But in the wake of the political brinksmanship being currently waged, some emotion has waned, and the fan base has taken a hit.

Benson on Tuesday deflected suggestions that slumping ticket sales reflected a backlash from the fans, preferring to assign the slippage to the economy of a severely blunted city and state. But economics have always been a compelling issue for the Saints, and could be the component that eventually opens the exit door for Benson and his team.

Star Wars Episode III Review

Leslie and I went to go see the new Star Wars movie last night. I loved it. Finally, George Lucas came through.

I’ll do my best to not spoil any of the plot here.

Star Wars is such a part of my childhood, as it is for most people my age. I can name all the characters, and recite all the lines. I’m a nerd. I admit it. All the distinctive sounds are permantly burned in my brain: the Tusken Raiders’ howl, the sound R2D2 makes when his circuits are fried, the Ewok song at the end of Return of the Jedi, Chewbacca’s sad groan. I do a pretty good imitation of a lightsaber lighting up, if I do say so myself.

Episodes I and II were a disappointment to me, like they were for a lot of people. Poor acting, overly childish humor, bad writing. Of course, we held them up to such high standards, its partly our own fault for expecting too much. We set ourselves up for a disappointment.

Episode III is such a vast improvement over the two previous films, however. It actually felt like a Star Wars movie. The others had their moments of Star Warsishness, but Revenge of the Sith keeps it up through the entire film. Lucas obviously spent a good deal of time making this movie connect to the original triology. There are early X-Wings, Imperial Capital Ships, TIE Fighters, Imperial Shuttles. Scout Troopers and speeders, and the Emperor’s red-cloaked guards. Even the Correllian Cruiser featured in the opening scene of Episode IV is there. I admit, the stark whiteness of the interior of that ship made me tingly inside when I saw it reproduced in the MMORPG Star Wars Galaxies that I played for awhile, and it gave me the same feeling when I saw it again in Revenge of the Sith.

More than the story or the characters, I enjoyed the seeing the evolution of the Star Wars universe in the movie. Even the musical score was well done, mixing the choral arrangements of Episode I with the familiar melodies from the original films. As Revenge of the Sith progressed, the music evolved more and more towards the Imperial March and Luke’s theme on Tatooine. If I had my druthers, Revenge of the Sith would be Episode I and we could watch the Empire evolve from the beginnings of Darth Vader in Episodes II and III. There have been rumors that there will be a TV series based on the time period between Episodes III and IV. I’m hesitant about that though. I don’t really trust television as a medium for quality.

All in all, Lucas planned his new Star Wars series out well. The third film makes the other two better. I would have preferred of course, that the other two could stand on their own merit, but which film of the original triology can stand on its own? Only Episode I. The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi both require a knowledge of the what has come before to appreciate the story and characters. Its almost as if Episodes I and II require a knowledge of what comes after to be appreciated.

There goes the neighborhood

Well, ok not really.

In one of those moments when you realize that some kind of metaphysical laws are chugging away behind the scenes, the neighbor’s car was broken into last night. These laws never explain anything, really. They just manifest themselves as vague coinincidences. This is the neighbor who parks in our driveway without asking for permission or even acknowledging that we are sitting on the porch. She’s got car karma.

At 5:30am this morning, a car alarm went off. Over and over and over and over. Leslie checked if it was ours (since it sounded like a weak Asian car horn), and we struggled to go back to sleep, complaining about the idiot who let it run on and on.

This morning I ran into B on the porch (what’s up with this guy’s work schedule? and when is he going to return our heating pad?) . He told me that the neighbor’s car was broken into. Her door was previously dented, and the window couldn’t be rolled all the way. We agreed that that was probably the reason that her car of all the rest was singled out. All they took was an iPod charger. They left her shoes. I guess they didn’t fit.

Odd that just last night, a cop patrolled down our street for the first time since we moved in. I feel perfectly safe in our neighborhood. We were just discussing this with DG on our way home from trivia Tuesday night.

B was very concerned about who did it; he was full of theories. He was sure it was the guy who goes through the trash in the alley. I could care less who did it. There’s no way of knowing. We haven’t had a car break-in since we’ve been here. Probably because there haven’t been any dumbasses leaving their windows rolled down.

Destroyed

Once again, we held first place going into the final round at trivia night.

Once againg, we screwed up the final question:

What 1933 movie is ranked highest on the AFI’s greatest American movie list that did not recieve any Acadamy Award nominations?

Answer in the comments.

Needless to say, we got it wrong, and dropped from first place to way below third.