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First let me start by wishing everyone a blessed Thanks Giving. I hope the holidays find everyone well. I woke up at 6am and can’t get back to sleep.

As some may remember, in 1996 I took Yancy’s car keys while he was sleeping and got a DWI in his car. I found a great, and not to mention inexpensive, lawyer, Meyer Sablodowsky, who got me off scott free. I even got every penny of my $720 bond money returned to me. That was awesome (not the drinking and driving part, because that’s wiggity-wiggity-whack.)

Since that time I’ve renewed my Missouri drivers lisence twice with no problem. I’ve committed several traffic violations, including one in the French Quarter about a month before Katrina (where I was given a sobriety test and passed, thank you very much,) and had no lagal issues other than the petty tickets issued for these minor violations.

Well, in 2006 I had to renew my license. It had expired, and I wanted to rent a Dodge Charger to drive to New Orleans For my friends Nolan and Beth’s wedding. When I went to the DMV, the lady denied my renewal, telling me, in that smug, government employed way,”You got problems in New Orleans.” She gave me a phone number to call.

As it turns out, the New Orleans court system has conveniently lost the records that say I was dismissed of all charges on that DWI from 11 years ago. They have the records that say I got a DWI, but none that say it was expunged from my driving record. Because of this I can’t renew my lisence. They say it’s up to me to produce the court minutes, or some other kind of legal notice I wasn’t furnished with at the time of the trial. I have kept every record given to me regarding the case, but none of it is what they want.

First I contacted Meyer Sablodowsky, whom never got back to me, and hadn’t made any progress when I contacted him again. Mr. Sablodowsky has unfortunately passed away since then, at the ripe old age of ninety. I loved that man, and may God rest his soul.

Next I sought council from a friend’s brother, who is a lawyer in New Orleans. Since he doesn’t generally deal with traffic issues, he said he’d get to it the next time he happened to “pop” into traffic court. About year later, with nothing being resolved, I realize this guy doesn’t “pop” into traffic court very often.

I remembered a friend of mine is a lawyer in Houma, so three or four weeks ago I went to him on the issue. He said he’d pass it on to a colleague of his in New Orleans. Then yesterday the friend in Houma texted me, and said he hadn’t heard back from his colleague, and suggested I try another avenue. What the fuck?!

I’m currently unemployed and seeking work. Regardless of what kind of job I get, I’m going to be required to produce a valid drivers lisence. I’m meeting with a production company on saturday, about a production assistant position on a feature film shooting in St. Louis. They already asked if I’m comfortable driving a cube truck. I am, but I’m going to have to doctor my drivers lisence before I give it to them. I’m going to have to do this for any job I apply for until I can get some fucking help in New Orleans!

Dave, does Kevin Kelly still practice law in N.O.? Does anyone have any suggestions, or know a halfway decent lawyer? I’m sick of this mother fucking shit! Am I being tried for the same crime twice? Fuck New Orleans! Fuck FEMA for telling me to give my money back! Fuck Katrina for providing an excuse for the courts to pretend they lost my shit so they can fuck some more money out of my fucking ass!

Merry Fucking Christmas, and I’m thankful that I’ll be dead one day!

Seriously though, anyone got any ideas.

O’J.